Overwhelmed but ready

So this week just kept getting better and better…that is sarcasm. I realized on Saturday that I was completely overwhelmed and mentally done with the week. I spent all day Saturday on the phone trying to figure something out only to not have an answer to my problem. I just need to be patient and have faith. Which is easier said than done, especially for me since I dwell on everything. I started experiencing some anxiety. I was crying for no reason, I was exhausted, I had a headache, my chest was tight, it was hard to breathe, my stomach was so upset I could hardly eat, and I was very short tempered. Then I realized I missed my hair appointment and I completely went off since I couldn’t rely on my brain and started thinking I had dementia. My anxiety was taking over. So I turned off my phone, I went downstairs and I binge watched tv. I shut out the world, when I decided to go to bed I popped a sleeping aide and just conked out.

Today I woke up and my chest was still feeling tight. I know I am almost at my breaking point and I know I need to find a therapist. Luckily my next door neighbor is one so I am asking her for recommendations. In the meantime though I needed to do something. So I sat down and made a list. I made a list of things I can change, things I cannot change, and things I need to do. The list of things I cannot change, I looked over and crumpled up and then recycled it. I was trying to purge that list. Next I focused on the things I can change or control and made a game plan for them. Such as my missing passport when I leave the country in a week, I now have a plan for it and feel a tiny bit better. Then I tackled my last list of things to do. I put little things on that list like dishes, one load of laundry, writing a blog post, and doing a small workout. As I crossed one thing off the list I felt just a little bit better. I still feel overwhelmed, I still am stressed, but I feel a little bit more in control. After feeling more in control, I looked at our calendar and actually wrote things down. I wrote down when I needed to cancel my next hair appointment by, I wrote down when I needed to go to the passport office by, and I wrote down what I was going to make for dinner each night, I wrote it down so I don’t have to rely on an overworked brain. These small steps aren’t going to solve world hunger or even any of my real problems but these small steps are what is going to help me make it through this stress. I got this, so bring it on week.

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